Trials of the Heart
by HanaHeart
Summary: Lupin and Snape's love is tested repeatedly over the course of their lives...Every time, they seem to be getting closer, they are torn apart by the circumstances surrounding them... Will their love ever have a chance?
1. Chapter 1

**Trials of the Heart**

Author: HanaHeart

Beta: Boho Bytch

Main Pairing: RL/SS with other minor ones

Rating: R

Warnings: AU, Slash, Mpreg

Summery:

Disclaimer: Harry Potter Universe and all of its characters belong to J. K. Rowling. I only own the OCs.

Chapter One

'Three years … ' Lupin thought, sighing deeply as he stared at the figure lying motionless on the white hospital bed. 'It has been almost three years, Sirius.'

At the end of Harry's third year, shortly after Black and Lupin made their escape, they came face to face with a dozen of Death Eater led by Peter Pettigrew charged with hunting them down. The two fought their assailants bravely, trying, against all odds, to survive the uneven battle. During the battle Black received several hexes that nearly caused his immediate death. However, he managed to pull himself together and stubbornly kept fighting.

In the end the attackers were repelled. The two Marauders managed to kill most of them, though Pettigrew managed to escape, but at a great price; as soon as the waves of hexes faded out, Black collapsed on the ground without a sound.

Lupin, desperate and afraid, picked up his lover's lifeless body and apparated to Hogwarts' front gate, seeking Dumbledore's help.

The old Headmaster pulled some strings and managed to admit Black into St. Mungo's under a fake identity. Since that time, Black had been in a deep coma.

Standing up, Lupin bent over the sleeping man, brushing his lips softly against Black's still lips before straightening up again.

"I'll see you, Padfoot," Lupin said gently before turning around and walking away.

One month later…

Lupin stared blankly at the ceiling as he laid down in his bed in 12 Grimmauld Place. He was still unable to sleep even though the clock was nearing 3 am.

"Ghuh!" He huffed in annoyance and pulled the heavy blanket over his face. Few moments later, he sprung up into sitting position. It was futile!

The werewolf sat in his bed completely still for 10 minutes, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the reason of his insomnia.

'I'm not worried…' He kept chanting to himself. 'I'm not worried… I'm not worried... _I'm not worried about Snape_!' At the last thought, Lupin felt his heart skip a beat. This involuntary reaction, however, only helped to infuriate him further. Leaving his bed, Lupin paced his room in poor attempt to distract his thoughts from thinking of the Potions Master but without success.

"For Merlin's sake!" he grunted. If he was to worry about someone, he should be worried about his comatose lover instead of Snape.

Lupin sighed in defeat. He was worried about Snape and nothing could change that…no matter how much he denied it.

The Order was holding a meeting the previous afternoon when suddenly Snape let out a pained hiss while holding his left forearm. Without a word, the Potions Master stood up and left the meeting. Lupin couldn't help feeling worried…very worried.

He was worried for Snape's safety, knowing perfectly well that every time Snape went to a Death Eaters' meeting there was a chance he would be exposed as a spy.

Lupin bit his lower lip, feeling the guilt eat away at his heart.

During his school years, he had developed a strong liking for Snape. They had been partners in potions for many years, and there had been some sort of understanding between them, despite their houses' rivalry.

He had been gathering his courage to confess his feelings to the dark-haired wizard in their fifth year. However, after the Shrieking Shack incident, Lupin had lost every chance to tell Snape his feelings. The dark-haired wizard had hated him for Black's sick prank. He had hated him for being a werewolf. He had hated him for nearly killing him. Snape had cut all the connections between them for the rest of the year.

At the beginning of their sixth year, Black had confessed to Lupin that he loved him, and the two had become a couple. After a while, the wolf in Lupin accepted Black as his mate, but his heart still longed for Snape, even after learning that the dark-haired wizard had received the dark mark. Lupin's half-hearted feelings towards Black had made the werewolf feel very guilty, as he had known that Black truly loved him.Thus, Lupin had vowed to himself that he would never betray Black; a promise he held even after Black's imprisonment.

During Harry's third year, Lupin had tried to maintain his distance from Snape. Not only did their past history stand like a huge wall between them, but Lupin had also been worried about weakening and giving into his emotions if they had gotten too close.

Snape, on his part, had publically showed enough disgust and hatred towards the werewolf giving him all the excuses he had needed to stay far away from the bitter man.

But now…

Lupin sighed. Now, it was different.

After his return to Dumbledore, Lupin was left to care for 12 Grimmauld Place and keep it in good shape to host the Order's meetings. This gave him and Snape lot of time to interact with each other and after almost three years of working together, Snape had started to treat him with more courtesy. Lupin knew that the Potions Master still hated him and was only treating him civilly for Dumbledore's sake, but being able to talk to him, work with him, share some drinks during the night over a game of chess, or simply sit beside him during the Order's meeting had all been very strong temptations for Lupin. He had wondered how long he could resist such temptation before he would surrender to his true feelings and cheat on Black.

With a heavy sigh, the werewolf sat on the edge of his bed. He had to resolve the turmoil he felt inside of him before—

Suddenly, Lupin's high hearing caught the sound of the main door, downstairs, being knocked repeatedly and urgently.

He hurriedly picked up his wand and went downstairs. Reaching the large wooden door, he heard the door knocker. Raising his wand, the werewolf debated how he should act. Who would come to Grimmauld Place at this hour? Death Eaters?

But if they were Death Eaters, they would've raided the place already instead of knocking first, right?

He heard more knocks on the door.

"Remus…" the faint husky voice that followed knocks made Lupin's heart clenched. Forgetting his earlier caution, he quickly unlocked the door and opened it. The werewolf's heart dropped at the sight that met his eyes.

Wrapped in his Death Eater's robes, Snape leaned heavily on the door's frame. In the dim light of candles of the hallway, Lupin could see blue bruises on the Potions Master's pale face.

"Rem—" The dark-haired man whispered as he tried to move but instead he collapsed.

Lupin swiftly moved and gathered the unconscious man in his arms before he hit the floor. He pulled the man inside the house before closing the door with a wave of his wand. Careful not to make much noise and consequently waking up the portrait of Mrs. Black, Lupin carried Snape into the adjutant living room and laid him down on the couch.

The werewolf sat on his knees in front of couch, staring horrified at the unconscious man. He felt his heart tightened at the view of Snape's bruised face and neck, his stomach twisted at the smell of blood and burnt flesh that invaded his sensitive nose, and his mind didn't even want to think about the source of the moisture that covered the other wizard's robes.

"Severus…" he finally called out softly as his hands reached out and unbuttoned the high buttons of Snape's robes. "Severus, please answer me." His whole being tensed in horror as the other man shuddered violently in response and coughed, allowing blood to seep out of the corner of his mouth.

Frantically, Lupin started to open the other wizard's robes to check the extent of his injuries. What met his eyes had sent chills down his spine.

Scars, cuts, and burns were covering Snape's upper torso. Two large purple bruises were making a frightening contrast against his pale skin on the right side of his chest.

He couldn't possibly heal all that by himself. Lupin concluded. Snape must be taken back to Hogwarts for Madame Pomfrey.

The werewolf jumped to his feet and rushed to the fireplace. Throwing a handful of floo-powder into it, he called "Dumbledore's bedroom, Hogwarts."

Dumbledore sat motionless on his large armchair; eyes staring blankly ahead. Anyone who would've seen him would think he was merely a statute made of flesh.

Suddenly, the fire in the fireplace flared with green flame.

"Albus!" Lupin's panicked tone snapped the old wizard out of his reverie. "Severus is badly injured. He needs help."

""Where is he?" the old wizard rushed to the fireplace.

"He's in Grimmauld Place with me. I'll bring him over." With that, the connection was cut.

With a speed that didn't match his age, the ancient wizard rushed out of his quarters, heading to the infirmary...

To be continued….

A/N: Well, what do you think?

This is my first attempt at writing a Harry Potter fic…Please, Read and Review.

Thank you


	2. Chapter 2

**Trials of the Heart**

Author: HanaHeart

Beta: Boho Bytch

Main Pairing: RL/SS with other minor ones

Rating: R

Warnings: AU, Slash, Mpreg

Summary: Lupin and Snape's love is tested repeatedly over the course of their lives...Every time, they seem to be getting closer, they are torn apart by the circumstances surrounding them... Will their love ever have a chance?

Disclaimer: Harry Potter Universe and all of its characters belong to J. K. Rowling. I only own the OCs.

Chapter Two

Dumbledore and Lupin waited silently on the chairs outside the healing wing. The two were waiting in the corridor after Poppy had shooed them out from the infirmary as soon as the werewolf reached the healing wing, carrying an unconscious Snape.

The werewolf closed his eyes, trying to control the whirl of emotions that was storming inside of him. His fists unconsciously closed and opened as anger and worry battled inside his heart. His mind kept flashing to the sight of Snape's disfigured torso.

A heavy sigh snapped Lupin from his thoughts. Looking up, he saw Dumbledore rubbing his hands together impatiently. His face looked gloomy and almost frightful. He was deeply worried, Lupin realized, for the man lying inside.

Suddenly, a scream echoed through the hall, coming from inside the infirmary.

Jumping to his feet, Lupin rushed to the infirmary's door and was about to burst in, but halted when Dumbledore called his name.

He knew that Pomfrey was doing her best to heal Snape and he wouldn't make anything better by interrupting her, but he still wanted to be inside. Another scream came from the infirmary, making Lupin flinch. He leaned his head on the closed door.

"Remus, my boy." Dumbledore's gentle voice called him. "Come and sit."

Taking a deep breath, Lupin looked up and forced his legs to move, returning to his previous seat.

Moments passed like hours for the two as they waited for Pomfrey to come out and put their minds at peace. Then, when the door of the infirmary finally opened, the two wizards practically jumped to their feet from anticipation. Pomfrey appeared from behind the door with a tight expression set on her usually cheerful face. She stood in front of the pair, regarding them silently.

"Well?" Lupin asked impatiently.

"I healed most of his injuries," Pomfrey said. "The rest is up to his body."

"What did they do to him, Poppy?" Dumbledore's tone was flat and emotionless.

"Will it make any difference if you knew?" the mediwitch almost snapped at the Headmaster. "You'll just keep sending him back for more…I tell you, Albus, one day he'll return a dead corpse…"

"Poppy!" the Headmaster's tone was stern.

The nurse pressed her lips into thin lines. "He was exposed to Cruciatus, Fiendfyre, Sectumsempra, and …" her voice trailed off, unable to continue.

"And?"

"I think they used Antonin Dolohov's curse." Pomfrey's voice was barely above a whisper.

Dumbledore closed his eyes briefly, pressing two fingers on the bridge of his nose. Lupin looked at the old wizard, noticing the single tear that slid out from the corner of his eye.

Opening his eyes again, Dumbledore looked up at Pomfrey. "Take care of him, Poppy, please." With that, he stood up and walked away, disappearing into the darkness and leaving Lupin and Pomfrey standing in the empty hallway.

A deep sigh next to him snapped Lupin from his thoughts. Looking to his right, Lupin saw the mediwitch regarding him silently.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Pomfrey said. "Good night, Remus." With that, she turned around and entered the healing wing.

Lupin stood alone in the dark corridor for few moments before sighing deeply and leaving.

Snape let out a soft groan as the morning sun filled the room with bright light. Opening his eyes slowly, he found himself staring at the familiar ceiling of Hogwarts' healing wing.

Blinking, the Potions Master wondered what was he doing in the infirmary when last night's events came back to his memory.

Last night's meeting had only included the high-ranking Death Eaters. The Dark Lord had been furious and had been obviously losing his patience. He had roared at them like a dragon, accusing them of tardiness and indolence in following his plans to control the Wizarding World. And when his rage had reached its highest peak, that blasted Bellatrix had opened her big mouth and questioned some of the Death Eaters' loyalty to their Lord.

Snape scowled, remembering that accusing look Bellatrix had shot him as she talked.

Her words had made the Dark Lord torture and humiliate him more severely than the rest. Despite the cold weather, he had been ordered to take off his robes and undershirt in front of the Death Eaters before being subjected to a variety of curses, much to Bellatrix's delight.

The blasted wench had seemed to enjoy his humiliation, or his state of nakedness, more than the Dark Lord himself. By the time the Dark Lord had vented his anger on him and several other Death Eaters, Snape was in a very bad state that he couldn't possibly have reached Hogwarts, thus, he went to Grimmauld Place, despite the fact that Lupin would be there.

'Well, at least he was sensible enough to return me back to Hogwarts.' Snape thought grimly, then another thought occurred to him that made his frown deepened.

Did Lupin return him directly back to Hogwarts, or did he have a look on him first?

Snape cursed himself. He should've endured the pain and try to apparate back to the school instead of Black's house.

'It's too late for regrets now.' The Potions Master thought with a sigh. Taking a deep breath, he focused his attention to something more useful instead. He tried to get up but an excruciatingly pain shot up his body, causing him to fall back to his bed.

It had taken him a great deal of self-control not to shout at the pain. He breathed heavily. It was futile! His body, though it was healed physically, was still shocked from the mistreatment it went through last night.

He could almost feel how the cells of his body were trying to adapt after being tortured and then forced to heal suddenly by magic.

'This will not do.' Snape thought. He should leave this damned place before Pomfrey return and start fussing over him.

Not to mention that Dumbledore would surely come and perhaps force him to quit his classes for the day or until he was fully healed…and maybe Lupin would also come to display a tasteless show of worry and concern that he didn't really feel.

Looking around him, he spotted his clothes and mask, neatly folded on a chair by his bed. Eyeing the set of clothes, Snape wondered if Poppy had found the set of small vials he usually kept in a hidden pocket in the inner lining of his jacket, or the mediwitch, in her haste to treat him, hadn't paid attention to his clothes.

Inching with great difficulty closer to the bed's edge, the Potions Master weakly raised his hand and muttered a soft "Accio" summoning the long black jacket from the chair.

Snape winced as the use of wandless magic in his condition was still painful but he had to find the vial of his special potion. He didn't have to search much until he found a small vial containing a deep red liquid. Uncapping the vial, he raised himself slightly and drank its contents. Snape waited patiently for the potion to take effect.

Gradually, he felt the pain dulling and his strength slowly flowing back into his body. He knew that the sense of wellbeing was only due to the potion and would wear off in two or three hours max, but those hours were very important in keeping his strong façade intact. Rising up slowly, he quickly donned his clothes and strode out of the infirmary before Pomfrey could put her claws on him again.

Lupin stood still, staring in shock at the empty bed that was Snape _supposed_ to be resting in. He had spent the night in Hogwarts, unable to leave without making sure that Snape would be alright.

He was barely able to stay put in the guest quarters until all the students were in the Great Hall for breakfast and the coast was clear before he rushed to the healing wing to check on the ailing man…only to find that man gone.

Where could he possibly be?

He couldn't possibly have healed already, could he?

Lupin shook his head at the ridiculous idea. It was only few hours ago when he carried a half-dead Snape to the infirmary. His body couldn't have restored its strength and healed in those mere hours!

Frowning, the werewolf decided to wait in the infirmary until either Pomfrey or Snape return.

Pomfrey stomped through Hogwarts' corridors, heading down to the dungeons; her usual smiling face was twisted in pure fury. Albus Dumbledore followed the Mediwitch silently.

They were all shocked when the Potions Master appeared at breakfast, as confident and commanding as ever. Pomfrey glared at him from her seat but he completely ignored her.

On his part, Dumbledore kept stealing glancing at the young wizard, noticing how Snape's hands were shaking slightly at times. His hold on the knife was a little bit unstable, despite his tremendous efforts to maintain a firm grip around the metal tool. Eventually, dropping his knife and fork, Snape stood up and excused himself from the table.

"Severus," he called, as the younger wizard was about to leave. "Why don't you take a break today?" the old wizard suggested.

"Surely one day without Potions class would not affect the students' progress … or maybe some other teacher can fill in your place for today?"

"No, Albus," Snape replied coldly before striding away, his black robes billowing behind him.

Soon after him, Pomfrey stood up and left the main table as well. The Headmaster decided to follow her as well; one to check on Snape as well and two to make sure that the Mediwitch doesn't accidently hurt the dark-haired wizard instead of helping him heal.

Snape was in his office, preparing for his morning classes when the mediwitch stormed into the room, followed by Dumbledore.

"WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" she bellowed. "AND HOW DID YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON THAT DAMNED POTION?"

The Potions Master simply looked at her with indifference before saying. "Don't you know how to knock before you enter, Poppy?"

The witch pressed her lips, glaring knives and daggers at him.

"You will return to the infirmary with me right now, Severus Snape." She stated angrily. "And will not leave your bed until I say so."

"The hell I will!" he retorted, standing up. "As you can clearly see, I'm well and able to function."

"This is only because you took that damn potion." She snapped. "This sense of _wellbeing_ is only an illusion created by the potion. You'll only keep pushing your already tired body until it collapses."

"Thank you, Poppy, for the lecture about the properties of a potion _I_ invented. And now if you please, I have classes." With that, he sat back.

The nurse was about to retort when a thin hand was placed on her shoulder.

"Severus," Dumbledore said softly. "Poppy is worried about you as well as I am. You should rest and allow your body to heal properly."

"Albus, I think we're past this false show of worry and concern."

The Potions Master said coldly. "I know that you are more anxious about the report on last night meeting than anything else. Rest assured. You don't have to worry much. The Dark Lord called us last night so he can vent his anger and irritation on us. Nothing was discussed…And no, I wasn't exposed as a spy." He added as the Headmaster opened his mouth to say something.

The two stared at him as he indifferently returned to his work.

Sighing, Dumbledore tapped Pomphrey's shoulder and gestured her to follow him outside. It was obvious that Snape wasn't going to give in to either of them.

As soon as the door was closed behind the two, Snape dropped his quill and pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose. He could feel the effects of the potion already wearing off.

'This is not good.' He thought. 'It hasn't been two hours even.'

He had to take another and larger dose of the potion if he wanted to last the day. Quickly, he stood up and left the room.

Pomfrey looked as if she was ready to hex someone to smithereens when she entered her office. Lupin wondered if it was safe to ask her about Snape or not.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" she asked, noticing his presence for the first time.

"I came to check on Severus." He replied. "I couldn't just return to Grimmauld after seeing the state he was in last night. But I couldn't find him—"

"Of course, you couldn't." The mediwitch grumbled angrily. "That arrogant sly Slytherin would rather die than be seen lying in a bed, apparently. I swear, he is his own worst enemy."

Lupin couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him. He knew well that Snape didn't like to be in a weak position, thus he would never show any type of weakness or accept any help from anyone, let alone ask for it.

"Is his condition that bad?" he asked.

"Of course." The matron replied. "He should be resting or his newly-healed body will surely relapse."

"But how did he manage to leave so soon?"

"Because of that damn potion!" she snapped. "He has a potion that gives the body a boost of energy but its effects are temporary. Add to that, the illusion of wellbeing can make the drinker push their bodies too far than it could handle." She explained. "I should've searched his clothes thoroughly before I placed them next to him. I swear he is worse than the students."

Lupin, however, didn't listen to the rest of her grumbling. His mind went once more to the Potions Master. Snape must have been awfully, extremely and desperately injured that he came to him last night. And now, Pomfrey was telling him that Snape was pushing himself too far.

"I need to go." Without waiting for a reply, he rushed out of the matron's office.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

**Trials of the Heart**

xxx xxx xxx

Chapter Three

xxx xxx xxx

Beta: Beta: TheLovelyDanish

xxx xxx xxx

"Albus," Lupin spoke as soon as he entered the Headmaster's office. "We need to talk."

"Remus, my boy. I thought you've already returned to Black's house."

"I couldn't." He replied. "I wanted to make sure that Severus was all right, but Poppy is saying that he's refusing to rest. You have to reason with him."

The ancient wizard sighed deeply. "I've tried, but I fear that Severus will do whatever he wants, no matter what any of us say, and regardless of the consequences to his health." He looked up at Lupin. "If you think you can convince him to rest, then you are welcome to try."

The younger wizard snorted. "If he didn't listen to you or Poppy, then what makes you think he'll listen to me?"

"You'll never know unless you try." The Headmaster said, his eyes twinkled knowingly.

xxx xxx xxx

He waited in the shadows until the last student disappeared upstairs and the doors to the dungeons were shut before he slid out from behind a large statue and entered the classroom.

He honestly didn't think he could do much in succeeding where Dumbledore and Pomfrey had failed, but he figured it was worth a try.

"Severus, I—" the words died in his throat at the sight of the Potions Master leaning heavily on his massive desk. Lupin's heart almost stopped when the other man suddenly started to sway. Luckily, the shock didn't prevent him from acting fast, and he quickly rushed over, grabbing Snape before he hit the stone floor.

"Hold on, Severus." He said as he supported the raven-haired man. "I'll take you to Poppy."

"No." The man replied weakly. "Not Poppy, my room."

"But—"

"Take me to my room, Lupin." The tone was full of scornfulness. Nodding silently, the werewolf walked Snape to his quarters. When the two reached there, Lupin looked at the large portrait of a blonde Lamia sitting on a dark velvet throne, petting her black wolf.

"What is the password?" He asked the Potions Master.

Instead of telling him, Snape looked up at the portrait sourly. "Are you blind? Open the door already." He barked at the snake-woman who pressed her lips into thin line but opened the door, nevertheless. Lupin led the man into his quarters and helped him up to his bed.

"Do you need anything?" He asked.

"Tell Albus to cancel my afternoon classes." The Potion Master said reluctantly.

"Of course."

"And don't tell Poppy that I almost fainted."

"Certainly."

"Thank you." He was barely able to hear the soft whisper, even with his heightened hearing.

"You're welcome, Severus." He replied before leaving.

xxx xxx xxx

When Snape woke up the next morning, he felt rather refreshed. He cautiously rose from his bed and, after waiting a moment or two, was glad that he didn't feel dizzy or wobbly.

Taking a deep breath, he went to the bathroom to get ready. He had just closed the doors to his quarters when he heard Poppy's familiar screech.

"Severus!" the witch called as she approached him. "I've been very patient and waited until today. Now, you'll come with me to the infirmary."

"I'm busy, Poppy." He informed her.

"No, you aren't. You'll come with me to my infirmary RIGHT NOW."

The two exchanged glares for few moments before Snape sighed in defeat. At times like these, it was easier to give in into the Healer's demands rather than trying to defy them. It would save him valuable time and energy and would take the witch off his back at the same time.

"Fine," He said. "Lead the way."

With that, the two walked together to the infirmary.

xxx xxx xxx

Two hours later, Snape was finally out of Pomfrey's clutches. He couldn't believe how the Healer had managed to keep him in the Healing Wing all that time, prying and probing him like an insect. He thanked Merlin that he didn't have any morning classes today, or else rumors might start flying around, especially after cancelling yesterday's afternoon classes and missing breakfast. He had just reached the doors to the dungeons when he heard the voice of Alastor Moody calling him.

"Hey, Severus. Wait!"

The Potions Master groaned as he stopped on his heels, not wishing to have any conversation with the one-eyed Auror. He was tempted to ignore him and leave, but he knew that the Auror would annoy him for the rest of the day until he said whatever he wanted to say to him.

"What?" Snape almost snapped as Moody approached him.

"We need to talk in private." He said solemnly.

The raven-haired wizard regarded him for a moment before gesturing to follow him. He led the Auror to a classroom and closed the door behind them.

"You haven't submitted your report yet, Snape." The bulky man said accusingly as soon as the door was closed, his magical eye twitched as he looked Snape over.

"I wasn't aware that I should submit anything to you, Mad-Eye." Came the calm reply.

"You went to a Death Eaters' meeting the other night; you should report the results to the Order."

"I've already submitted my report to Dumbledore. If you are so curious to know what happened in that damn meeting, then talk to him and Poppy. Now, if you please, I need to prepare for my classes."

Frowning deeply, the Auror scoffed in annoyance before leaving. The Potions Master prayed that this would be the last of annoying visits for the day.

xxx xxx xxx

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. None of his students had dared to raise a question about his sudden absence. In fact, none had the opportunity. He had been more despicable and vile than ever, managing to scare almost all of the students who had the misfortune of having a class with him that afternoon.

Reaching his quarters after dinner, Snape changed into more casual clothes, before kindling the fire in his living room's fireplace and taking out some wine. He was about to turn on the gramophone when suddenly he heard a set of knocks on the door. Grunting, Snape slowly stood up and walked over to the door.

"Good evening, Severus." Lupin was standing in front of his chambers' door.

"What are you doing here Lupin?" Snape asked coldly, glaring at the taller man.

Lupin just smiled back, showing him a bottle of Firewhisky.

"I had to run an errand for Albus, and he thought that it was too late for me to return—"

"I didn't ask about your life's story, Lupin. I'm asking you what are you doing at my doorstep?"

"Umm…Well, I couldn't sleep so I thought since tomorrow is Saturday, you wouldn't mind sharing a bit of Firewhiskey over a game of chess?"

Snape raised a questioning eyebrow for a moment before nodding in agreement. He moved aside, allowing the werewolf to enter.

"Make yourself comfortable," he said crudely, gesturing to a set of armchairs at one corner of the room next to the fireplace.

Lupin walked over and set the Firewhiskey down on the small mahogany coffee table where a bottle of wine sat, and swiftly grabbed two glasses from the shelf above the fireplace. Meanwhile, Snape walked to the large set of cabinets that occupied the right wall of the room and brought out the chess set. As Snape returned to join his guest, silently setting up the game, Lupin took a step back and had a good look at Snape.

The Potions Master looked as good as ever, despite what he had been through. He was wearing a loose untucked light-gray shirt with rolled up sleeves over a pair of black drawstring trousers and black slippers. His raven-black hair, drawn back behind his ears, looked immaculate and shone under the soft light of the flames.

Lupin felt his cheeks heat up as he noticed the pale flesh that showed under the unbuttoned V neckline and subconsciously stepped closer to the fire in an attempt to camouflage his reddened face.

Lupin took a seat once he saw that the game was properly set up, Snape sitting across from him. Snape leant forwards, reaching out for a glass and the Firewhiskey. Lupin held his breath as Snape's shirt opened a little more, revealing more of his pale chest. The werewolf forced his eyes away, only to have them fall upon the long thin fingers as they grasped the neck of the bottle. He watched, partially entranced, as they popped the seal open, pouring some of the liquid into the clear glass.

"Give me your glass, Lupin." Lupin snapped from his trance and leant forwards, presenting his glass to Snape.

After pouring some Firewhiskey for Lupin, Snape took his glass and drank his whiskey in one gulp, groaning as the burning liquid ran down his throat.

"I needed that," He remarked.

Lupin smiled shyly, taking a drink his whiskey.

"So, how was your day?" Lupin suddenly asked.

Snape snorted. "Honestly Lupin," he said, "that is a poor way to start a conversation."

"Well, it usually works with most people," Lupin replied quietly as he finished his glass.

"I'm not like most people," Snape said.

"Yes, I know that," Lupin said, pouring another glass. "More whiskey?"

Snape nodded, lazily holding his glass out for a refill.

"Aren't you going to tell me how was your day?" The werewolf asked softly.

"Well, in the morning Poppy got her clutches on me, and for the rest of the day, I had classes."

"Oh," Lupin said. "Do you want to make the first move?" He asked, gesturing to the chess set.

"You go first." Snape shrugged carelessly.

"Cautious and skeptical as ever, Severus," Lupin said with a smirk as he made the first move.

"I learned it the hard way," Snape said, he eyed the board for a moment and quickly made his move. "And it has kept me alive up to this moment."

Lupin glanced up at Snape before averting his eyes back to the game. He was aware that their school days weren't a picnic for Snape thanks to the Marauders. Some of the pranks they played on him were brutal and must've taught him always to be on his guard, expecting ambushes at every corner.

Lupin felt his heart twisted in regret at the memories. Although he hadn't participated directly in any of those pranks, he hadn't done anything to prevent his friends from bullying Snape either.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispered, making his move on the chessboard.

Snape raised an eyebrow at this, genuinely surprised at the sudden unexplained expression of regret.

Lupin looked away, feeling a little bit nervous at Snape's questioning look. Taking a deep breath, the werewolf returned his eyes back to the Potions Master, who was now staring thoughtfully at the chessboard. Snape looked as strong and confident as always, basking in his general aura of charisma.

Lupin's eyes scanned the pale skin that was almost glowing under the soft light of the fire, marvelling at how smooth and soft it looked. No one would believe that such skin was marred with scars and cuts just one day ago or that the dark-haired man had fainted twice in less than 24 hours…

Lupin bit his lower lip in sorrow upon remembering that pitiful sight.

"Severus," he said, "um…about the night before yesterday—"

"Lupin, I would appreciate it if you don't bring up that subject," Snape interrupted coldly.

"But you almost died that night!" Lupin pointed out.

Snape snorted in response. "It wasn't the first time that I almost crossed lines with death," he said. "Besides, I'm used to worse than that."

Lupin opened his mouth to say something, but seeing Snape's glare made him decide otherwise.

Changing the subject, he started to talk about general matters and his expectations for this year's Quidditch tournament, while Snape just listened as they continued to play and drink. Gradually, due to the effects of alcohol, Snape started to loosen up and participate in the conversation.

"Severus?" Lupin suddenly looked up at the Potions Master with a serious expression on his face. "Umm … about my Wolfsbane …"

"What about it?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you suffering from some side-effects? When is your transformation?"

"No, it's not that," Lupin said. "and the full moon is the day after tomorrow."

"Then what?"

"Well," Lupin said, feeling very embarrassed by the favor he was about to ask, "Ever since Sirius went into a coma, I haven't … um, well," he blushed. "For some time, the wolf has been urging me to satisfy some of its special needs…especially near and during full moons. I don't want to cheat on Sirius, so I was wondering if you could give me some potion to - ehm, subside those urges." At that point, Lupin was staring bashfully at the floor, his face as red as fire. He could feel those piercing black eyes scrutinizing him, yet he didn't dare to look into them.

Snape stared at the werewolf, who was blushing like a schoolgirl and smirked. He doubted that Lupin's red face had anything to do with the heat of the room or the amount of alcohol they consumed over the course of the night. Snorting, he leant forwards over the chessboard.

"Lupin," He said. When the werewolf looked up at him, he motioned to him to get closer. Lupin leant forward until his face was only a few inches from Snape's, feeling his face grow warmer by the moment.

"I only have one piece of advice for your condition, Remus," Snape whispered softly.

Lupin swallowed hard as the scent of the alcohol in Snape's breath, mixed with the faint smell of Snape himself and another unidentifiable scent, filled his senses.

"What is it?" he barely was able to whisper back.

"Either you go to St. Mungo's this instant," Snape said, "and hex your mutt of a boyfriend until he makes up his mind whether he wants to live or die, or you dump him already and find someone else to sleep with! Checkmate!" With that, Snape slammed his chess piece down in a muggle fashion, causing Lupin to flinch away.

Lupin stared at the chessboard as his king was being destroyed, more shocked at Snape's bold suggestion than his third defeat in a row that night. Looking up, he saw Snape leaning backwards in his chair and parting his legs while staring at him with a smug smile on his face; the unnamed scent was getting stronger by the second.

Lupin swallowed hard. Did Snape's suggestion have a hidden meaning, or was it merely a sarcastic comment?

The werewolf regarded the Potions Master for few moments before lowering his gaze.

"I should be going," He said, voice barely above a whisper, as he stood up.

"Are you sure?" Snape asked, looking at him pointedly.

Lupin looked at the Potions Master again, not knowing what to say. Sighing, he nodded his head slightly.

"Good night, Severus." With that, Lupin left Snape's chambers.

Standing just outside Snape's quarters, Lupin leant his back on the closed door and shut his eyes.

'What the hell did I just do?' He asked himself repeatedly. He took a few slow deep breaths, trying to ease that pain that rose inside his chest. He was torn between what his heart wanted and what his head ordered.

'Why now, Severus?' He asked himself but without getting an answer. In the past two years, Lupin had often come to Hogwarts and Snape's chambers for a game of chess and bottle of Firewhisky. But, in all those nights, Snape had never acted the way he did tonight. Snape had been openly flirting with him; he was sure of it. His bold advice strongly suggested that the Potions Master was trying to—to—

Lupin shook his head furiously. Snape hated him!

The man could barely tolerate his mere presence, for goodness' sake!

Lupin bit his lower lip in anxiety. He just imagined things. His desire for the Potions Master was only playing a cruel prank on him.

The werewolf sighed. He shouldn't have come to Snape's chambers in the first place. But he had been so worried about Snape… or so Lupin tried to convince himself.

Lupin snorted, realising his silly attempt at self-deception. To be with Snape was something Lupin longed to do more often than he could bring himself to admit.

After shaking his head again Lupin forced his legs to move, deciding to return to Grimmauld instead of spending the night in Hogwarts.

xxx xxx xxx

An hour after Lupin's departure Snape was still sitting in his chair, staring absent-mindedly at the dancing flames in the fireplace. His mind was recalling the whole night with the werewolf over and over again.

'Why in Merlin's name did I act that way?' Snape's mind kept asking, yet he still refused to accept the obvious answer that was present in front of his eyes.

He wanted Lupin. He wanted him for years now, but Snape simply shook his head in denial. He was over those childish, foolish desires; his so-called crush for the werewolf had died a long time ago…for many reasons. One being that Lupin had almost killed him once! The second, more important reason was that Lupin loved Black! He loved him so much that he refused to give up on him even when he was charged with murder. He didn't give up on him even though the man had been in a coma for three years!

Snape sighed, wondering why his heart was refusing to give up on Lupin.

Why did he try to flirt with him tonight?

After being tortured by the Dark Lord, Snape's firm control over his emotions faltered considerably, and all the stress caused by his attempts to conceal his innermost thoughts while being subjected to extreme torture made his guard low for the following few days. Usually, he vented the stress by scaring the hell out of his students during the day, and by listening to soothing music and drinking Firewhisky at night. This night was no exception, save for Lupin, who had to come to his chambers uninvited.

Snape couldn't figure why he hadn't refused to receive Lupin in his rooms, though. He shouldn't have allowed him in.

He couldn't figure why he had acted so casually in front of the werewolf and said that stupid remark about Lupin and Black.

Honestly, what he been thinking? Not only he allowed Lupin to see him in a position of weakness twice in one day, but He had also made a complete fool of himself with that stupid behaviour!

'It's because of the alcohol.' he told himself.

Glancing at the table, Snape stared at the three bottles of alcohol. Having finished the bottle of Firewhisky Lupin brought and the wine by their second game, Snape had summoned another Firewhisky bottle for them to drink.

Reaching for the half-filled bottle, Snape popped it open and downed its contents in one long gulp before throwing the bottle at the edge of the fireplace, effectively smashing it into pieces.

Snape stood, swaying a little from all the alcohol he had consumed, and made his way to his bedchamber.

xxx xxx xxx

To Be Continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**Trials of the Heart**

+.+ +.+ +.+

Chapter Four

+.+ +.+ +.+

Beta: TheLovelyDanish

+.+ +.+ +.+

Tap … Squeak … Tap … Squeak … Tap … Squeak …

Snape groaned sleepily as the annoying noises continued. He raised his head slowly from the pillow, looking around for the source of the irritating noises. His owl was screeching loudly in her cage in response to the mysterious tapping. Snape's eyes darted up to see a brownish owl tapping outside the high narrow window of his bedroom. Blinking, Snape's eyes focused on the owl as his mind slowly recognized the male, Great-Horned owl.

"You must be joking," he groused, pushing himself up and taking his wand. With a soft Alohomora, he opened the narrow window, allowing the bird to enter. The owl flew in and settled itself on the large desk; Snape's owl squeaked even louder at the new bird.

"Shut up!" the Potions Master growled as he got off the bed, feeling his hangover getting worse by the minute. Searching the bedside table's cabinet, he took out a potion for his headache and drank it. Feeling slightly better, Snape went to the bathroom and washed before returning to the bedroom. He went to the waiting owl and took the letter attached to its feet after treating it with some breadcrumbs. Breaking the seal, Snape started to read.

' **My dearest Rus,'**

He scowled at the offending endearment.

' **It's been a long time since we last met. I hope you're doing fine.**

 **I'm in England for three days on some business, what do you say we meet today for a nice meal and drink in…Hogsmeade, maybe? It may be a good time to finish my shopping as well.**

 **Anyway, it's your choice. Send your reply with my owl, Donn.**

 **I'm looking forward to seeing you, love.**

 **Your most beloved wizard,**

 **Nigel McGrath.'**

Snape rolled his eyes in annoyance. He wasn't in the mood to keep up with McGrath's cheerful attitude, but he also knew that if he didn't meet the enthusiastic wizard today, he wouldn't hear the end of it later.

Looking at the clock, Snape sighed deeply. It was 1 o'clock in the afternoon, which meant that lunchtime was out of the question. So, he took a quill and wrote his reply on the same parchment, informing McGrath to meet him in Hogsmeade at 4 o'clock.

There would be enough time for them to shop and have supper. Attaching the letter back to the owl's leg, Snape waved his hand, dismissing the bird.

Snape's black owl squeaked in disappointment as the other owl flew away, gaining a glare from her master. Snape made a mental note to hex McGrath to the next century for buying him a female owl from the same species as his own.

+.+ +.+ +.+

Lupin roamed around Hogsmeade, enjoying the lively atmosphere of the village while looking at the different shops' displays, trying to decide what to gift his friends in Christmas. Many people were walking around with the same intention in their heads, seeing that Christmas was only two weeks away.

As he passed Dervish & Banges, he decided to enter and check their merchandises, in case he found something interesting to buy.

He was strolling between the shop's shelves when his ears caught something.

"We've been here for an hour, Severus." An Irish-accented voice whined. "Are you going to buy that damn lunascope or not? I'm bored and hungry."

The werewolf felt his heart skip a beat when he heard a familiar silky voice reply.

"I thought we're here to finish your Christmas shopping? Besides, it's only prudent to check the merchandise before buying them."

Lupin slowly took a couple of steps ahead and peered from between the shelves. Snape was standing between the shelves with a wizard whose tall and well-built figure was partially hidden under his brown cloak. His face was round and pale with slightly rosy cheeks and big brown eyes and neatly framed by light auburn shoulder-length hair.

The wizard sighed in defeat. "But we're here since 4 pm, and I still didn't find anything worth my attention."

"If you want, we can always go to Diagon Alley." Replied the Potions Master coolly.

"I'm done shopping for today." The wizard declared. "Why do you need a lunascope, anyway?" he asked. "I thought you already have one."

"None of your business."

The wizard frowned slightly at the raven-haired man but didn't comment.

"Are you going to buy the damn thing or not?" he asked instead.

"Yes. I'll buy it. Stop whining like a child."

"Good, then. Buy it and let's go eat."

"Fine." The Potions Master had said in defeat before he allowed himself to be dragged away.

Lupin stood in his place, blinking several times. To say that he was shocked would be an understatement. The Snape who was standing just a few steps away moments ago wasn't the Severus Snape he knew and dealt with since their schooldays. The Potions Master he knew didn't smile, didn't laugh, and didn't put up with cheerful, happy and lively individuals!

The werewolf temporarily wondered if it wasn't Snape, but an imposter. Shaking his head, Lupin snapped from his thoughts and decided to continue his shopping.

+.+ +.+ +.+

Around 7 pm, Lupin decided to drop into the Three Broomsticks for a light dinner and a drink. His attempt to shop for Christmas had been a complete failure after his little encounter in the Dervish & Banges. His mind kept wandering to Snape and his mysterious companion rather than concentrating on the different merchandise in front of his eyes. Lupin couldn't imagine how the two personalities could get along; it had amazed him how Snape could keep up with that amount of exuberance without being tempted to hex the other wizard.

Entering the pub, Lupin looked around for an empty table. The place was crowded with people as usual, and it took him a while to find an empty table partly hidden under the stairway. Settling down, he motioned to the waitress who smiled at him in acknowledgement.

After ordering his food, Lupin looked up and saw Snape with his mysterious companion walking around, looking for a table. Despite his better judgment, Lupin couldn't tear his eyes from the Potions Master.

Now that the black cloak that concealed his attire had been taken off, Snape looked simply stunning. He was wearing black dress trousers with a white dress shirt under a dark green pullover; a Slytherin scarf was thrown neatly over his shoulders. It was something so different than his usual black high-necked billowing robes.

Lupin gulped as Snape ran one hand through his hair, smiling as his companion found a vacant place … three tables away from him.

Lupin involuntarily inched away towards the dark corner, not wishing to be seen. He lowered his head and started to eat and drink quickly. However, he couldn't resist the temptation for long. As he ate, he kept stealing glances at the two wizards.

The werewolf suddenly swallowed his drink down the wrong pipe when he saw and heard Snape laughing amusingly while the other wizard held his hands possessively and spoke. Clearing his throat, Lupin stood up and left, cautiously avoiding walking next to the two wizards' table.

+.+ +.+ +.+

"Do you have anything planned tomorrow?" McGrath asked as he ordered another pint of Butterbeer.

"Yes. I have to start sorting out my ingredients' stock and hand the students their assignments for the holidays." Replied Snape.

"Ah!" McGrath huffed in a mocked display of boredom. "How can you stand all of this, Rus? I still can't imagine how you can handle hundreds of annoying teenage brats."

"It's not like I have a choice in the matter, Gel." The Potions Master said with a slight tone of sadness. "You know the whole story."

McGrath frowned, regretting ever bringing up the matter in the first place. Shaking his head in dismissal, he quickly and cheerfully changed the subject. "Speaking of Christmas," he said. "I want you to come and spend it with me in Ardeevin+."

"Gel—"

"Rus, I will not accept any of your excuses. I've been inviting you forever to spend Christmas with me but you always refuse. For once, I want to spend the holidays with someone, instead of spending it alone." Then McGrath flashed the Potions Master his sincerest pleading puppy dog eyes.

The dark-haired wizard sighed in defeat, unable to resist the other wizard. It amazed him how McGrath always managed to persuade him into doing things he wouldn't, usually, do. If he hadn't known better, he would suspect that the McGrath had personally been trained by Dumbledore.

"How come you always spend Christmas alone when you obviously have a lot of people to buy Christmas gifts for?" he asked, trying to evade the subject.

"They are nothing but annoying social obligations and you know it," McGrath replied. "And don't avoid my request. I'm waiting for your answer."

"I won't promise you," he said. "I have to check on certain things first before accepting your invitation. I'll owl my reply within two or three days."

"Hurrah!" the other wizard exclaimed joyfully, gaining the attention of everyone in the pub and a scowl from his companion.

+.+ +.+ +.+

Snape returned to Hogwarts quarter to midnight. Thanks to McGrath endless chatter during dinner, both had lost track of time until they realized that they were the last customers in the pub, not that he minded much being late. He always enjoyed McGrath's company even if the Irish Wizard's enthusiastic nature annoyed him sometimes and caused him a severe headache later.

As he passed the gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office, Snape remembered that he hadn't apologized to the Headmaster for his outburst the other day. He knew that the older wizard would not hold what happened against him but still, he felt that he should offer his apologies.

Sighing, Snape stood in front of the gargoyle and spoke the password.

Dumbledore, usually, didn't sleep early during weekends, preferring to read books, or play chess with Nearly Headless Nick.

Climbing the staircase, Snape reached the Headmaster's office and true enough; Dumbledore was engrossed in reading a huge book.

"Good evening, Albus." Snape greeted.

The old wizard looked up and smiled. "Severus, good evening. Come in and have a seat."

"I came to apologize for my behaviour the other day." said the Potions Master, approaching the Headmaster and sitting on the offered seat. "My words and tone were uncalled for."

The ancient wizard studied the young man with unspeakable expression before sighing deeply. "Severus, I know that what I'm asking of you is beyond anyone's—"

"Albus," Snape interrupted. "I didn't come here to hear any explanations. I came to apologize for my rude behavior. This was the path I chose a long time ago."

"I don't want you to think that I don't care, Severus." The Headmaster said gravely.

"It doesn't make any difference, whether anyone cares or not, Albus." The dark-haired wizard said, shrugging.

"Are you sure that no one has blown your cover? According to Poppy, you were tortured more than usual."

"Definitely." The Potions Master replied. "The Dark Lord simply wanted targets to vent his anger upon and that blasted Bellatrix directed his anger to those she disliked." He snorted. "Can we change this subject now? I came here to apologize and to ask a request of you."

"Of course, whatever you want, Severus."

"I want to ask you if it possible for me to leave Hogwarts during Christmas break?"

"Well, that's unusual," Dumbledore remarked, his eyes twinkling merrily. "Are you going back to your house?"

"No. I'll be going to Ireland."

"Is it for a mission or pleasure?"

"I prefer to call it a social visit, Albus. I'm meeting an old acquaintance of mine." Snape replied. "Pleasure is a foreign word in the dictionary of my life."

"It doesn't have to be that way, Severus," Dumbledore remarked.

"It has been that way since the day I was born." The Potions master said flatly.

"Won't there be any complications if you weren't present in Hogwarts during Christmas?" Dumbledore asked.

"I don't think so. With Potter in the Burrow during Christmas," he replied. "I don't think my presence in Hogwarts will be of the essence. Nevertheless, if the occasion arises, I'm prepared to deal with it."

Dumbledore nodded. "Very well, then." He said. "Enjoy your break, then." Snape allowed a small smile to cross his face before he stood up and left.

+.+ +.+ +.+

To be continued…

A/N:

\+ Ardeevin = Pleasant Hills


	5. Chapter 5

Trials of the Heart

-.- -.- -.-

Beta: TheLovelyDanish

-.- -.- -.-

Chapter Five

-.- -.- -.-

The next day when he woke up, Snape felt genuinely pleased. In one-week time, he would be going to Ireland to spend Christmas with McGrath, away from Harry Potter, the annoying students, the irritating staff, Dumbledore's meddling, the Death Eaters, the dark lord, the Order and everything that burdened him for years. He was truthful when he said to Dumbledore last night that the word Pleasure had no place in his dictionary because he hadn't done anything that could be called pleasurable for years.

'But the upcoming week, I will.' He thought satisfyingly. He was so absorbed in his happy thoughts that he didn't realize that he was smiling as he made his way to the Great Hall.

McGonagall, Pomfrey and Hooch exchanged confused looks at the strange expression on his face, whispering amongst themselves as if he had finally gone mad. Trelawney, on the other hand, found this odd behavior a thriving ground for predictions of doom and catastrophes. Then rest of the professors chose to ignore the whole matter and acted as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. Dumbledore, alone, smiled his knowing smile as he glanced at his Potions Master. After breakfast, Snape went to his stores to sort out the ingredients before the break.

-.- -.- -.-

Moony growled viciously as it roamed the Shrieking Shack agitated.

The wolf was angry …

The conscious part of Lupin's mind acknowledged. The wolf was angry, not only because it had some special needs that weren't satisfied, but also because it felt that its territory was being violated.

At the last thought, Lupin's mind froze in horror.

'No, no, no.' he thought viciously. 'This couldn't it be. This simply couldn't it be.'

The wolf was jealous…

It was jealous of the unknown wizard whom Lupin saw with Snape in Hogsmeade the previous day.

When Lupin returned home last night, he spent a great part of the night, thinking of the identity of Snape's companion. He felt desolate, hurt, brokenhearted, and dreadfully jealous of the man who had the privilege of seeing the always grumpy Snape smiling, laughing and enjoying his company. He couldn't help but ask himself why it wasn't him who enjoyed seeing Snape like this.

Knowing the futility of asking questions he would never get answers to or even had the right to ask in the first place, Lupin forced himself to swallow all the bitterness he felt and forced himself to sleep.

However, upon the full moon, the werewolf was compelled to face his real emotions.

For the length of that night, he found himself fighting a raging war against the wolf inside of him. Emotions of jealousy, possessiveness, anger, and fury knocked him like a typhoon as the wolf came to life. The wolf's howls were frighteningly angry and outraged, and the only thing that prevented the wolf from going on a murderous rampage was due to Snape's excellent Wolfsbane that allowed Lupin, some control over the wolf's primitive instincts.

Lupin shuddered in horror at the thought.

Many misunderstood the fact that wolves mate for life, thinking that wolves only mate once. It was indeed a misleading detail about wolves' mating life. However, Lupin, being a werewolf, knew the exact nature of it. Wolves would remain faithful to their mates as long as they were together. However, once their mates died or they were separated from each other for a long time, the wolves would seek a new companion.

Lupin felt his head throbbing painfully.

He was separated from Black for a long time, and their union during Harry's third year was short lived. Then, Lupin started to spend more time with Snape due to their work together as members in the same order, and his old feelings for the Potions Master were slowly re-surfacing. With Black out of the picture due to his medical condition, the wolf considered Black to be dead and started to view Snape as his new possible mate.

Lupin felt a knob in his throat at that thought. He had been able to suppress his feelings towards Snape for a long time with great difficulty, but he doubted he could do the same now that the wolf had chosen the Potions Master to be his companion. As the sun rose, an exhausted Lupin staggered back to Grimmauld Place, where he threw himself on his bed and went to sleep.

-.- -.- -.-

On 21st of December, Snape waited until the students left the school to the station before he went down to his quarters. After he had changed into fitting clothes, he shrunk his trunk, put it in his pocket, wore his cloak, and picked up his owl's cage.

After warding his quarters, Snape headed to the infirmary. Using the infirmary floo-network, he flooed to Diagon Alley where he bought some Christmas presents then flooed again to the town of Balbriggan in Ireland.

The announcement of his leave during Christmas had gained him a lot of questioning looks, but none dare to ask him anything. However, two days after the announcement, he was summoned to Voldemort who questioned his motives to leave Hogwarts. He responded that he was making use of the holidays and Potter's absence from the school to complete one of his potions projects that might come in use for the Dark Lord. Hearing that, the Dark Lord seemed to be convinced and gave him leave. With the knowledge that the Dark Lord was off his back, Snape looked forwards to enjoy his break with McGrath.

-.- -.- -.-

McGrath rushed down the long stairs of Ardeevin, taking two or three steps at a time, wanting to be one opening the door for his guest rather than the house-elves. Having Snape in his house for the holidays was something had never happened. Thus he intended to make the Potions Master's visit a spectacular one. Moments ago, Snape's owl had just flown into his bedchamber, which meant that Snape had just entered the main gates. McGrath wondered, though, why Snape hadn't simply flooed into the Manor. But then again, it was hard at times to keep up with Snape's way of thinking.

"My dearest Rus," McGrath exclaimed as he opened the door, surprising the dark-haired wizard who was just about to ring the bell. "Welcome to my humble manor." McGrath took Snape into a very tight hug. "It had been so long."

"You just saw me a week ago, Nigel," Snape replied as he tore himself from the other wizard's embrace. "And stop calling me Rus, please."

"My dear Rus," McGrath chimed pleasantly as he placed an arm on Snape's shoulder, leading them both into the house. "For me, a day without seeing you equals a whole year…"

Snape rolled his eyes in response. "I see you haven't lost your annoying ever-happy attitude yet." He remarked, freeing himself from the other wizard's grip.

"Why should I?" McGrath replied with a huge grin. "Life is too short to spend it frowning and grumbling over trivial matters."

"Whatever you say, _Gel_." Snape snorted.

"Let me take your room, so you can unpack and settle down." Offered the Irish.

"There is no need," Snape said. "I've rented a room in the Black Clover."

"What? Why?" McGrath asked. "With all the rooms to spare in this huge manor, you go and rent a room in a ragged tavern?"

"Nigel, it's for your safety. I don't want anyone to know our real relation."

McGrath stared at Snape with utter shock. "You don't want anyone to know that we're cousins?" he spat heatedly.

"It's for your safety." Snape insisted. "No one knows that I have a living relative, not even Dumbledore. If _certain_ people knew that I suddenly had a cousin, whom I neglected to mention his existences. What do you think the consequences will be? You'll either be killed or be used as leverage against me."

"I'm not a child, Severus; I can defend myself very well. I'm a good duelist as you are." The Irish said heatedly. "Besides, I'm already acquainted with half of the families of your so-called Death Eaters."

"You think this doesn't make me worry about you?" Snape snapped. "Your big yap doesn't close for a minute, babbling to everyone about everything. I tremble every time I know that you're paying a visit to one of those dark families."

"I'm trying to help you, Severus! I'm trying to protect you!"

"I don't need protection!" the Potions Master roared. "And I certainly don't need to see the last of my family dying in a fight that doesn't concern him whatsoever."

"YOU CONCERN ME! AND YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN CROSSFIRE!"

At that, Snape froze, staring at his cousin with wide-eyes. Not only he was thrown back by McGrath's unusual seriousness and anger, but his declaration had truly touched him. He always knew that his cousin cared for him, but no one had ever put his safety and welfare over theirs. No one he knew wanted to put their lives on the line for his sake, or make sacrifices.

The sudden silence that reigned over them managed to calm the two agitated wizards somehow. McGrath let out a loud annoyed grunt before speaking.

"Listen to me, Rus." He said. "I want you to know that I can't stand idly and watch you risking your life, no matter what your reasons are. I'm ready to do anything to ensure that you are safe and well." He took a deep breath. "And since this is your first time in Ardeevin, I'll forget ever having this stupid argument and overlook the fact that you're not sleeping in my house during your vacation. However, you will sleep over on Christmas Eve."

"Fine," Snape replied in defeat.

"And Wren's day."

"Alright."

"And New Year."

"Fine."

"And—"

"Don't push it, Gel," Snape warned.

Laughing, McGrath shook his head. "Alright, I won't. How about we have some tea now?"

Snape nodded with a smile.

-.- -.- -.-

The two cousins spent most of the days before Christmas Eve taking long walks through the old town, watching people decorating their houses and lawns, having meals at different restaurants, and having friendly duels against each other. They enjoyed their experience in decorating Ardeevin, and the huge tree McGrath had bought for the occasion.

On the day of Christmas Eve, McGrath and Snape spent it preparing their Christmas dinner. McGrath insisted that they would prepare it themselves rather than allow the house-elves to do so, saying that it would be an enjoyable experience.

Snape didn't mind the idea at first since he knew his way around the kitchen. However, he began to regret ever agreeing to it when McGrath's cooking skills proved to be more dangerous than Neville Longbottom's skills in Potions during his first year.

The Irish Wizard had nearly burned the turkey at one point, while Snape was busy preparing the vegetables and roasted potatoes. It was by sheer luck that the Potions Master had noticed the bird inside the oven before it burnt completely. He glared angrily at his cousin for leaving the oven unsupervised to which McGrath just smiled innocently in response.

When the two proceeded to make deserts, another reign of terror began. The place looked as if a hurricane had passed through it when they were done. Snape was starting to clean up the place when McGrath forcefully pulled his cousin out of the kitchen, ordering the house elves to clean and serve dinner instead.

"Honestly," Snape huffed in annoyance as they walked into the living room. "How could one man create so much mess? You are worse than my first-year students!"

"I'm not used to cooking," McGrath complained.

"Then why did you volunteer in the first place?" Snape snapped. "You could've let the house-elves or me do it, instead of wrecking the whole place!"

"It's more fun that way and gets us into the family spirit." McGrath grinned.

Snape snorted as he fought the urge to smile. Encouraging McGrath further was the last thing he wanted to do.

-.- -.- -.-

After dinner, the two men sat in front of the fireplace in the living room, drinking more wine and having a light-hearted conversation.

"The tree looks very gloomy; don't you think?" McGrath commented out of the blue, glancing at the large Christmas tree at one corner of the room.

Snape snorted. The tree was anything but gloomy. Much like the house, the tree was buried under lights, ribbons and ornaments of different sizes and shapes.

"I'm serious, Rus," McGrath said, noticing Snape's cynical expression. "Look; despite all the decorations on the tree, there are only two presents underneath it. It's just sad."

"Well, there is only the two of us here, Gel," Snape said.

"Yes, you're right." The brown-haired wizard said with a sigh. "We are very miserable men, Rus."

Snape chuckled. "The story of my life." He stated flatly as he poured him another glass wine. "I'm the last living person of my parental family, and you are my only maternal relative." He looked at the Irish Wizard. "But you have a lot of relatives on your paternal side, have you not?"

"Aye, a lot of relatives who want me dead as soon as possible so they can inherit my estate and money."

"Didn't you try to reach out to them? They may come to love you genuinely."

At that, McGrath burst into loud laughter. "Not a chance." He said finally. "They all hated my father and consequently me. They only see me as a source for a vast fortune." He sighed. "Have you ever thought of having a family of your own?" He asked suddenly.

"I don't have the time to think about such matter, Gel. My only worry is to how to survive yet another day." Snape said rather bitterly. "Besides, who would, in a good state of mind, start a family with a Death Eater? Your chances of starting a family are much greater than mine."

McGrath snorted. "I'm not the type who would settle down for a long-time attachment, Rus. You know how much I hate commitments."

"Indeed." Snape remarked, "You are one of best healers in Ireland and still don't want to open your clinic so that you don't have to fall into a routine."

"Yes." McGrath sneered. "Why to tie myself to a fixed-time job when I only have to do home calls…the same concept with marriage and one-night-stands. And you? Why don't you go find love and build a family?"

The Potions Master snorted. "I have stopped dreaming useless dreams such as those long time ago, Gel." He said. "You are the only one I need in this life."

"Now that sounds terribly pathetic." The Irish said with a laugh before he fixed his gaze on the other man. "Does that mean that you don't have someone special in your heart?"

Snape felt his cheeks warming up at the question, though he didn't dare to ponder on the reason. A pair of golden amber eyes and a soft, friendly smile flashed in his mind suddenly.

"You sly snake!" He was brought back from his short reverie by his cousin's exclamation. "You do have someone, don't you?"

"I certainly don't." The Potions Master replied defensively. "I told you that I have stopped dreaming useless dreams such as those a long time ago."

"Your blushing face says otherwise, cousin," McGrath said, smirking. "Who is he? Do I know him?" McGrath learned a long time ago where his cousin's preferences lay.

"I said there is no one!"

"Of course, and your raising voice is the evidence. Pray tell, who is he?" He asked. "Are you two dating?"

"Nigel McGrath! I warn you!"

"Well, knowing you, I would say you haven't even tried to confess your feelings. Tsk…tsk…tsk," The Irish shook his head. "It's easy, Rus. All you have to do is invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.+"

"The babies part would be a little difficult to achieve in case you forgot that we're both men."

"Not at all." McGrath smiled. "I've seen some wizards get pregnant if they're with the right person."

" _IF_ , Gel, is the key word here."

"I noticed that you've haven't denied having someone special."

"Are you quite done?" Snape asked in complete irritation.

The Irish just grinned widely in response.

Declaring his annoyance in the form of a loud huff, Snape nonchalantly raised his glass to his lips and drank the remaining of his wine, trying not wonder what Lupin was doing at this moment.

-.- -.- -.-

Lupin smiled as he sat alone in a corner in the Burrow's living room, watching Harry, Hermione and the members of the Weasley family sitting around the fireplace, chattering and laughing. The trio at that moment looked like normal teenagers with no care in the world. No one who saw them at this moment would think that they had been chasing and destroying dark Horcruxes, battling dark wizards and witches, making sacrifices that no one else capable of. Lupin, however, knew that things would soon get worse before they got better. Lord Voldemort, after the destruction of 4 Horcruxes, was getting more impatient and ruthless. Death Eaters' attacks on Muggle-borns had been more vicious and brutal and more frequent. The werewolf wondered how many lives would be lost before this nightmare was over.

"Remus, dear." He was snapped from his thoughts by Molly's joyous voice. "Would like some more wine?" she asked.

"Yes, please." He smiled as Molly poured him wine.

"How is Sirius doing?" she asked.

"There is no change, I fear," The Werewolf replied. "The healers in St. Mungo's have done everything but without success."

"I just hope he'll wake up soon."

"Me too."

The redheaded woman smiled. "I'm so happy to have you here, Remus. I wouldn't have accepted any refusal."

Lupin smiled in response. He was, in fact, on the average of declining Molly's invitation, in hopes that he would be able to spend Christmas Eve playing a game of chess with Snape, who usually wasn't interested in taking part in the holidays' festivities. His hopes were crushed though when Dumbledore announced that Snape would be leaving Hogwarts during the break.

"Molly wanted to invite all the members of the Order to Christmas breakfast tomorrow," Arthur said, joining them. "Alas, they all seemed to have engagements elsewhere…even Severus."

"Speaking of Severus, do you know if his absence is related to the Order or not, Arthur?" Molly asked. "As far as I can recall, he never left Hogwarts during the holidays."

Lupin tried not to appear very interested on the topic.

Arthur shrugged. "Albus said something about Severus going on a social visit or something."

At that, Lupin's eyes widened. Severus? Social visit? To whom?

Then suddenly, he remembered the anonymous Irish Wizard…was Snape spending Christmas with him?

"That's odd," Molly remarked. "But it's rather nice to know that he wasn't spending Christmas alone." She smiled.

"Indeed," Lupin replied absent-mindedly.

-.- -.- -.-

"Rus! Wake up! It's Christmas morning!" McGrath's cheerful and loud voice filled the long corridor as he ran to the guest's room to wake up his cousin. He was overly excited to start the day with a hearty breakfast then proceed to open the Christmas gifts. Not even bothering to knock first, he tried to open the door but found it locked.

"Severus, wake up!" he called, knocking hard on the wooden door.

"Shut up, Nigel!" Came the cranky, sleepy reply from behind. "You're making my headache worse."

The Irish wizard smiled. His cousin wasn't much of a morning person, was he?

"I'm waiting for you downstairs!" He said before leaving.

Moments later, a fully awake and grumpy Snape climbed down the long stairs. He frowned upon seeing the feast that was laid on the table in front of a smiling McGrath.

'This is going to be a very long day.' He thought as he joined his cousin for breakfast.

After the meal, the two went to the living room to open the presents. The Potions Master raised an eyebrow as he noticed an additional gift under the tree.

"I got this one to bribe you into coming in case you refused," McGrath explained.

Snape chuckled in amusement. "I think I'll open this one first." He quickly picked it and tore the green and silver warping open, revealing a mahogany box. Snape raised a curious eyebrow at the majestically carved wooden box before he reached out and took off the lid. Nestled in a red velvet fabric lay a beautifully made ivory chessboard, underneath it was the chest pieces made of white and black crystals.

"It's beautiful!" He said.

"I knew you would like it," McGrath smirked before taking his gift. He examined it before suddenly frowning. "This isn't a bulk of books, is it?" he looked up suspiciously at his cousin.

Snape laughed amusedly. "No, it's not a bulk of books."

Grinning, the Irish proceeded to unwrap the gift.

"A Sneakoscope and a Foe-Glass mirror?" He looked up at his cousin. "These must have caused a fortune."

"Not really," Snape said with a smile. "I've had a connection in Knockturn Alley who helped me get them at a reasonable price."

"Still, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble," McGrath said. "And besides, It's not like I can't afford to buy these things."

"I know that you can buy better quality items, and yet you don't. You need these things with you, yet you're not sensible enough to obtain them yourself."

"It seems that you are in need of them more that I do."

"I can protect myself, unlike you."

The Irish smiled but said nothing. He didn't want to argue with Snape over who needed protection more. Though, Snape's gifts had made him think more of ways to keep an eye on his cousin.

"Why don't you open your original Christmas gift?" He asked, grinning widely.

Nodding, the Potions Master picked up the gift and unwrapped it. It contained another wooden box. Opening, Snape saw two mid-sized round mirrors.

"Tis a two-way mirror!" Exclaimed McGrath excitedly. "That way, we can be in touch all the time. They are charmed to shrink so they would fit in your pocket if you order them to…see…" He then took one mirror and said. "Mirror, Shrink."

The mirror shrank until it was no bigger than the palm of his hand.

Snape couldn't help but chuckle. "So basically, your gift for me is for you as well." He said with a smirk.

"Hey! I got you the chess set as well!" McGrath whined in mocked annoyance but then smiled widely.

-.- -.- -.-

After exchanging their gifts, the two wizards took a walk through the muggle part of town. The town was buzzing with many different activities; carols and hymns filled the air sung by people of all ages at each corner; stalls sold pies and mini Christmas cakes, people walked the streets chattering and laughing joyfully. It was indeed a beautiful and jolly day.

At one point, the two came across a group of men and boys who stripped of their winter clothes and were about to take the customary ice-water plunge.

"Rus, want to try taking a dip?"

"No, thank you," Snape replied. "I'm not a fool to jump into freezing water."

"But it will be fun!" McGrath said. "I'll jump with you."

"If you want to jump, then be my guest." The raven-haired man said. "I don't want to catch pneumonia or die of hypothermia, thank you very much!"

Noticing how close Snape was standing on the edge of the sea, McGrath smirked in mischief before he suddenly pushed the unsuspecting Snape into the cold water.

"NIGEL! You dimwit!" Yelled the Potions Master, struggling in the waters for few moments before suddenly going underwater.

"RUS!" The Irish wizard shouted in panic as he jumped into the water after his cousin.

-.- -.- -.-

"I'm sorry, Rus!" McGrath apologized as he and Snape sat in front of a large fire in a nearby tavern, wrapped in heavy blankets, hot mugs of tea in their hands, trying to warm themselves. "I didn't know that you can't swim."

"I know how to swim." Snape said between gritted teeth. "but not in ice-cold waters."

The brown-haired wizard chuckled. "You have to admit, though, it was fun."

"No, it's wasn't." Snape glared at him before pulling him closer so no one can hear them. "I almost lost my wand and my precious set of potions, thanks to your idiotic stunt." He hissed. "Sometimes, I wonder if you and that damn mutt Black are related."

"Don't compare me to him!" McGrath hissed back, shoving his cousin away. His usually cheerful face had disappeared completely, and another terrifying face took its place.

He knew everything about Snape's history with the Marauders and Black's sick prank on him during their fifth year. It had taken him lots of nagging and lot of wine bottles to make his cousin loosen up and tell him about his school years, and he always wondered if he had attended Hogwarts at that time, his young cousin wouldn't have suffered so much at the hands of those pranksters…especially that psychopath called Black.

"Both of you seemed to take pleasure in playing pranks on me." Snape's sneer only managed to make fire blaze into his soul.

"Severus! You're trying to my patience," he warned.

The Potions Master only glared at him for few moments before looking away.

"I want to go home." The raven-haired man said, standing up. He placed the empty mug on a nearby table before he went to a backroom where their clothes were hanged to dry.

McGrath stared at the fire guiltily. Now that his anger at being compared to Black had subsided a little, he couldn't bring himself to blame Snape for his anger. He shouldn't have pushed his unaware cousin into the water like that. What if he had drowned? Or died, as he said, from hypothermia? And they were among muggles, for crying out loud. Neither of them could've used magic in public…

Quickly, he stood and rushed behind his cousin to apologize. However, whatever he wished to say was all forgotten when he entered the backroom and saw Snape standing in front of the fire with only his trousers on.

McGrath's eyes roamed up the black trousers, noticing how they nicely showed Snape's legs and slender waist. Then came the pale skin that glowed under the warm fire, looking so soft and tender. McGrath felt his throat becoming dry and his heart pounding like a drum against his ribcage. He had acknowledged his growing affections for his cousin a long time ago. However, he was too cowardly to voice them out loud in fear that the other man would reject them, but seeing his cousin like that made him wonder if it was a risk worth taking. Suddenly, he snapped from his thoughts when his eyes, who were scanning Snape's torso so intendedly, caught the sight of a faded scar peeping from underneath Snape's trousers up until the middle of his back. The Irish frowned; his eyes examining the rest of the exposed flesh only to discover several scars, barely visible to the human eyes, around Snape's body.

With a growl, McGrath marched to his cousin.

"Severus, what are these?" He asked in an angry tone, gripping the other man's hand violently.

Snape was drying out his shirt, pullover and coat with his wand when he heard someone entering the room. Seeing that it was McGrath, he didn't bother and continued with his work.

He had finished drying his clothes and was about to put on his shirt when the brown-haired wizard marched at him with a growl and held his hand painfully asking him about something.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, slightly puzzled.

"I'm talking about these scars." McGrath hissed, pointing at an almost invisible scar on his arm.

Snape froze momentarily. While he had told his cousin about his involvement with Voldemort, he hadn't told him everything. Things like the occasional torture sessions the Dark Lord liked to hold for his followers.

Pomfrey was a skilled healer and had always managed to treat him back to health in the shortest time possible. However, even magic had its limits when dealing with curses that meant to inflict permanent damages. And some scars simply refused to be healed completely.

Usually, he hid them under layers of fabric and high-tailed collars and sleeves, however, he didn't expect his cousin to see them, especially in a dim-lit room.

"Severus!" The Potions Master snapped from his reverie and looked back at his cousin.

"They are nothing, Gel." He murmured. "Let's go home."

"These are not nothing." McGrath hissed. He was also a healer, and he could tell that those scars were magically caused and cured…some of them even had dark corners, meaning that they were burns scars.

"We're among muggles, Gel." Snape reminded. "Let's go home then we'll talk about it. Don't cause an unnecessary scene here."

McGrath stared hard at his cousin, then nodded reluctantly. He quickly donned his clothes and left with Snape.

-.- -.- -.-

When the two reached Ardeevin, Snape tried to weasel himself out of talking about what McGrath had seen, but the Irish Wizard wasn't fooled by his cousin's attempts to avoid the subject. He had threatened to body-bind him and forced a jug full of Veritaserum down his throat if he had to.

Knowing that his cousin, when angered, would be true to his threat, Snape hesitantly sat and told McGrath almost everything. He deliberately failed to mention some of the extent torture he had to go through when the Dark Lord was in his darkest and foulest moods or the extreme measures he had to take to restore his health back in the shortest time possible.

Nevertheless, by the time his cousin finished speaking, the Irish Wizard's feelings were beyond the normal levels of rage and anger. For the first time in his entire life, McGrath wished he had the power to destroy everything and everyone around him. He couldn't believe how people could use his cousin in such way…how they could put anyone through this kind of hell without any consideration for his safety.

"You shouldn't return back to England, Severus." He said in a cold tone.

"What? Have you lost your mind?"

"I'll truly lose my mind if I allowed you to return, now that I know what you are going through." He snapped. "Between the two of us, you're the one who apparently needs some medical check on your mental ability if you are willing to return to that hell."

"We ARE in a war, Nigel." Snape snapped back. "What happens to me is nothing compared to what will happen if the Dark Lord prevailed. Besides," he said softly, looking away, his right hand clutching his left arm. "I've brought this to myself by making a stupid mistake in my youth."

"No mistake demands such horrible repentance, Severus." McGrath hissed. "Nothing."

Snape closed his eyes, feeling drained. He was hoping that he could spend his first break in years in peace but apparently, it wasn't destined.

"I have to make amends to all I have wronged in the past," He said softly. "This is my fate, and I have accepted it." He looked up at his cousin. "I didn't want you to get involved or know about anything, but I don't seem to be able to hide things from you. I'm sorry for ruining your Christmas." With that, he stood up and fled the living room to his room.

McGrath took several deep breaths, resisting the urge to yell out loud in rage. He blamed himself for ruining Christmas day for them. He blamed himself for not knowing how much his cousin was suffering. He blamed himself for being such a pompous idiot while his cousin was risking his life every day in serving two lords who neither of them cared about him.

Reaching for the nearest bottle of wine, McGrath started to drink.

-.- -.- -.-

The next morning, Snape sighed deeply as he gathered his little things into his truck before he shrank it and put it into one of his pockets. He hated having to leave McGrath's company so early, but after their argument yesterday, he doubted that the other wizard would want to spend the rest of the holiday with him. It seemed that fate was determined to refuse him any happiness, even the simplest pleasures in life and his damned past seemed to raise its ugly face at every corner.

Putting his owl, Queen Mab, into her cage, the Potions Master took a deep breath and opened the bedroom's room to leave.

-.- -.- -.-

"Where are you going?" Snape was surprised to see McGrath standing in front of the door, ready to knock it.

"I'm leaving." The raven-haired man replied. "I've ruined Christmas day already. I don't want to ruin the rest of the holiday for you."

"You will certainly ruin it if you leave now." The Irish Wizard said, snatching the cage from the other man's hand. "You're not leaving, Severus. I won't allow it. You've promised to stay until the new year, and that's what you're going to do." He easily pushed Snape aside and entered the room.

"Nigel—"

"Severus," McGrath interrupted in a grave tone as he placed the owl's cage on a small table; his back to his cousin. "I honestly can't understand what you are going through, nor do I agree with what you are doing. To you, it may be a way of redemption but to me is an unnecessary foolishness. However, I know that no matter what I say or do, you'll do what you want to do regardless. That's why I won't pressure you to tell me anything you don't want to, however," He turned around, locking his brown eyes with Snape's black ones. "In return, I want to you promise me that when you need help, any help, you will come to me first…before anyone else. I want you to promise me that you'll swallow that damn pride of yours and seek my help when you need it."

The two stared at each other for few moments before Snape smiled softly at his cousin. "I promise, Gel." He said softly.

A bright and genuine smile broke on McGrath's face. "Now that it settled," he declared happily. "Let's go eat breakfast, then go to town and see the Wren's Parade!"

Dropping his shrunk trunk on the bedside table, Snape followed the other wizard with a smile on his face.

-.- -.- -.-

To be continued…

\+ I couldn't resist adding this Alan Rickman's line from "Love Actually…" It's one of my favorites.

A/N: This fic doesn't seem to attract many readers, However, I really love it so I'll try not be discouraged and continue it… Please, read and review…


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